Dying is no big deal; it’s the living part that is hard
By Mike Henle - For Cedar City Neighborhoods • Aug 27, 2008
Every time I pay my last respects at a funeral, I tend to wonder about the statement that the deceased “is now in a better place.” However, I think I have finally figured why people say that the individual who has died is on to better things.
From someone who has cheated death on several occasions, I remember well having seizures in my continued bout with epilepsy dating back to the time I was about 7.
The epilepsy has been removed from my life, thanks to the work of doctors at Scripps Green Hospital, where at the age of 43, right-side lobectomy brain surgery Dec. 6, 1994 not only ended the seizures but probably saved my life at the same time.
One day before the surgery, I would have four seizures. The next day, my doctors, which included brain surgeon Dr. Thomas Waltz and neurologist Dr. Andy Aung, removed a sizeable chunk of my brain to end a long battle.
With the space I now have on the right side of my head, I joke that I am literally an airhead. An MRI earlier this year showed a significant gap behind my right eye.
However, while I am well now, I often think back about the seizures I experienced for decades. They would strike unexpectedly and in some cases, I would awaken confused, tired and frightened at the experience.
In some cases, epileptic seizures can result in death. However, when an epileptic has a seizure, there generally is no pain, considering that the person sometimes passes out only to awaken some time later.
My own life could have been ended quickly, although in each case I would recover to face another day. After thinking about the many years with epilepsy, it finally struck me that dying would not have been a big deal, considering the fact that it happened so quickly.
Truth be known, awakening was the hard part, knowing that surviving the next day would provide the biggest challenge of all. Facing the reality of one issue after another is actually our greatest test. Slumping to the ground wasn’t a big deal, although it did create an embarrassment factor that was tough to live with. While recovering from the seizure, there was a level of relief, along with an element of mystery knowing this sort of thing could happen anywhere, anytime.
Personally, I am glad I survived my own health issues. However, the fact remains that I have begun to realize that today’s woes, ranging from a sagging economy to simply paying bills, are not easy. And on several occasions, I was a candidate to move on to “a better place.” I no longer would have had to worry about the long list of challenges that seem to get even greater as we get older.
I could have been a simple memory, but instead I arose to face another day. Surely, there is a reason. When Dave Matthews Band saxophonist LeRoi Moore died from complications related to an ATV crash, Matthews told a crowd at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, “It’s always easier to leave than be left.”
I mean, dying would have been a painless step — no big deal. It’s the surviving part that can be a real drag and I’m starting to realize why many say the Golden Years can make epilepsy-related headaches seem minor.
In an instant, it could have all been over. One more mention in an obituary notice.
However, there was apparently more on the board for me to do before getting to a better place. It wasn’t time to give up yet, even though checking out would have been much easier.
And I’ll take the extra time on Earth. Besides, I have never been one to give up.
Mike Henle is a Las Vegas based freelance writer and the author of “Through the Darkness: One Man’s Fight to Overcome Epilepsy.” He can be contacted via e-mail at mhenle@aol.com, or through his Web site www.mike henle.com.
COMMENTS
Dear Mr. Henle,
Your article on your struggles with epilepsy was touching. Doubly to me as I was a Quality Assurance RN at Scripps Clinic in La Jolla for 15 years. I knew Dr. Aung and Dr. Waltz well. We still go back to San Diego for Care. We can get routine care in Cedar and St. George with no difficulty. I have so many found memories of Scripps and dearly miss the staff there.
I took my nurses training in Rochester, Mn. I am a Mayo fanatic. I can always remember as a young student we were cleaning in the OR and I heard these famous Docs talking about La Jolla and going out for vacation. I said to myself I would like to live there. Well, that did not happen, but I got to work there. We lived in Scripps Ranch which was a good address.
I hope you continue to do well.
I am sure you are aware of the terrible tragedy we had here in Cedar City when we lost 10 people in that plane crash in Moab. It is like a pebble tossed into a pond. The waves go on and on and it affects almost everyone.
Best wishes, Judith Ann Roda
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